3.2.18 | 2:24 am
I thought cancer would teach me something, perhaps something useful.
But so far, all it's taught me is how to hide my emotions, how to pretend reality isn't reality at all, how to build the largest dam to keep my tears from spilling over.
I sat on the side of the road for an hour, waiting for my knight in shining armor to come to my rescue, and within this hour, my sea of thoughts caused waves to crash on my insides. I realized that my moments where I need saving will not always be resolved by him.
Once I was whisked away - always the damsel, always in distress - I stepped into my palace to find that my thoughts were true. That this could be the last time something like this happens; that this could be one of the last memories of him that I'm left with for the rest of my life.
She tries to be positive, to believe in the "signs" and her past experience.
Maybe the only thing cancer has taught me is the thin line between hopeful and hopeless and just how much I dance between the two.
Between hopeful or hopeless, I can't tell which is worse for me.
But so far, all it's taught me is how to hide my emotions, how to pretend reality isn't reality at all, how to build the largest dam to keep my tears from spilling over.
I sat on the side of the road for an hour, waiting for my knight in shining armor to come to my rescue, and within this hour, my sea of thoughts caused waves to crash on my insides. I realized that my moments where I need saving will not always be resolved by him.
Once I was whisked away - always the damsel, always in distress - I stepped into my palace to find that my thoughts were true. That this could be the last time something like this happens; that this could be one of the last memories of him that I'm left with for the rest of my life.
She tries to be positive, to believe in the "signs" and her past experience.
Maybe the only thing cancer has taught me is the thin line between hopeful and hopeless and just how much I dance between the two.
Between hopeful or hopeless, I can't tell which is worse for me.
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