12.18.17

dried knuckles and damaged purple hair.
I slept straight through the day, not a stir, not a word, just dreams upon dreams upon dreams.
my heart is somewhere south now.
softened skin beneath silky shorts, bare and beautiful and raw.
my heart is miles away.
two relationships within the past twelve months-- neither could amount to anything.
I want a new one.
one that's safe and secure and comforting and homey and loving and caring and touching and feeling and real.
the past two relationships have been none of those things.
my heart yearns to be connected to someone who won't abandon it.
my heart wants to be with someone who won't dismiss me or take advantage of me.
there's been so many revelations over the last couple of days.
I deserve more.
I want more.
I did my best these past two times and what happened to me was not my fault.
not my fault.
not asking for it.
not my fault.
this is the start of a revolution, of a radical idea that I deserve more love than I have been granted the past couple of months.
maybe it's with the girl down the block, or miraculously with the girl on an island, or maybe it's a girl that I haven't even met yet, or maybe it's a girl I wouldn't expect.
but in fourteen days when the old calendar has been thrown away and a new set of 365 days begins, my heart will be open, my heart will be ready, and my heart will be here.
I had misplaced my heart before, but I'm ready to reclaim it.