12.11.17

everything is all right.
the nights of sobbing
in a handicapped
bathroom stall
and forced
smiles from
soft friends
across a dinner table
have come to
an end.

my heartbeat
was that of a baby rabbit
beating so rapidly
in the hands of
someone untrustworthy.
"can we talk?"
nervous,
so so nervous.
but really,
I was nervous for
no reason.

apologies
and explanations
spilled out of my mouth.
miscommunication,
everything I thought I heard
was wrong.
I was not
exiled,
excommunicated,
kicked out of the squad.

her arms wrapped around me
and it was everything
I didn't know I needed.

I was welcomed back
as if I had never left.
the value I had
questioned since last week
has been replenished,
and now it's overflowing.
we're back to laughing,
and joking,
and I love them
so fucking much.

I should've spoken up sooner.
now there's four days left
with the friends
I'll reluctantly leave
for a month.
I wish we had more time.
I really wish we had more time.
I'm going to miss you guys,
but for now,
let's make the most of it.