12.10.17

It's the early morning, a morning without sun, 

a cute girl sleeps in the bed across from me, 

body pressed against the wall.

I want her, in a way. 

But she's one of

the prettiest girls

I've ever seen, 

even though she 

doesn't believe it.

She's close with

my roommate in a way

I know she will never be close

to me. 

I want to get closer.

But I'm frozen in one place.

Next door there's another girl sleeping. 

I know I would never have her, 

but I also knew that to her, 

I was different from the rest.

I was the one she slept with her

arm laced around

my midsection. 

I was the one she was gentle with, 

who she'd allow to 

climb into her 

top bunk. 

She took shotgun every time

because she knew that

she belonged

right by my side.

There was

something unspoken.

I know I could never have her,

but please don't forget

that I was different from

the rest.

I want her back,

even though she was

never mine. 

Some parts of me 

will always love all of her.

I don't know what to do with this.

I don't know how to make this beautiful

or poetic

because this kind of hurt

cannot be either.