12.30.17 | 4:26 am

my fingers scratch the back of my throat, like a prison cell so desperate to escape.
trying to find an exit where there is no freedom.
one can’t exist without the other; I cannot exist without this.
it’s too late for my heavy thinking, too late at night for my bruise knuckles and teary eyes and infamous stream of sink water drowning out the noise that come out uncontrollably.
goddamn I’m alone.
it’s easy to ignore this fact when I’m forty minutes away, but now at the root of it all, I’m forced to sit with this.
I’m alone, but I don’t want to let anyone in.
it’s easy when no one is trying to get in, when there is no one waiting by the door, ready for me to open it.
there hasn’t been anyone at my doorstep for awhile.
he let himself in and ruined too much; I added extra locks after I kicked him out.
maybe I’ll forever be the haunted house on the left, the one everyone is too afraid to enter, or pass by, or approach.
they all warned him to stay away from me. beware.
at first I was offended.
but
maybe they were right.
beware.