11.22.17
9:44 PM - "I low key wish we could just drive into the city rn."
flashforward 3 AM - we're in the city.
just like that, we did it - we got in the car, no set destination, no calculated plan, just good company and a nostalgic playlist, just miles, and miles of stretched highway and crossed borders, headlights illuminating the night as we weaved through unfamiliar streets and wandered into the city after hours.
we're living, we're alive, we're doing this, we did this.
the train is home to those with no destination, no place to be, nowhere to go. looking at them makes me sad, as we pass by multiple stops, awaiting the last stop for us to get off. I don't know when they get off, or if they're on this train for infinity, waiting for a stop that will never come for them.
Times Square is lonely at this hour but I think I'm lonelier.
I watch a couple nuzzle one another while walking. they're tangled up in one another, two matches stuck together. when they reach the end of the block they run across the crosswalk, darting together. I see it happen in slow motion, they reach for each other's hands and take hold, running. I could feel their love, it's brighter than the lights surrounding us, it has its own energy and I think to myself - "goddamn, that's all I want."
I take a picture of her basking in the cotton candy luminescence.
same best friend, same city, same location as three years earlier, yet now everything is different.
we venture. no set plan, nowhere to be, just a train to catch once the morning sun is close to coming up. but for now, the darkness invites us in and the bright lights welcome us.
the nostalgia doesn't hit me until later.
a train ride back, illuminated by artificial light, sketchy passengers.
it's all too familiar.
flashback three years earlier - same scenario, a brightly-lit train, I nudge you, you grab my hand.
that was all it took.
my heart sped up to reach the speed of the train's.
I was hooked.
I smile thinking about it.
"What?"
"You're thinking about her, aren't you?"
no, I wasn't, although it's a noble guess considering most of my thoughts do circle around her.
she's only a few miles away and I wonder what she's doing.
I was thinking about the parallels of us, so reminiscent of the city's layout.
how we wandered those same city streets years earlier, nothing but innocence and naivety, and how we wandered them tonight, nothing but growth and adventure rushing through our veins.
I was thinking about how much things have changed, yet how much has stayed the same.
how your short hair stuck out of your beanie and my dark hair blended in with the night, but I still look at us with the same hope and admiration that the city lights have always given me.
I say I'm different now, but how different am I?
he warned me about the dangers of nostalgia, how there is no such thing as "the good old days," and now I've wandered into this disastrous way of thinking.
we end the night, you in the pasenger seat dozing off, me singing along to an old favorite song.
I'd say "just like the good old days," but this is the beginning of a new set of days.
this is the beginning.
flashforward 3 AM - we're in the city.
just like that, we did it - we got in the car, no set destination, no calculated plan, just good company and a nostalgic playlist, just miles, and miles of stretched highway and crossed borders, headlights illuminating the night as we weaved through unfamiliar streets and wandered into the city after hours.
we're living, we're alive, we're doing this, we did this.
the train is home to those with no destination, no place to be, nowhere to go. looking at them makes me sad, as we pass by multiple stops, awaiting the last stop for us to get off. I don't know when they get off, or if they're on this train for infinity, waiting for a stop that will never come for them.
Times Square is lonely at this hour but I think I'm lonelier.
I watch a couple nuzzle one another while walking. they're tangled up in one another, two matches stuck together. when they reach the end of the block they run across the crosswalk, darting together. I see it happen in slow motion, they reach for each other's hands and take hold, running. I could feel their love, it's brighter than the lights surrounding us, it has its own energy and I think to myself - "goddamn, that's all I want."
I take a picture of her basking in the cotton candy luminescence.
same best friend, same city, same location as three years earlier, yet now everything is different.
we venture. no set plan, nowhere to be, just a train to catch once the morning sun is close to coming up. but for now, the darkness invites us in and the bright lights welcome us.
the nostalgia doesn't hit me until later.
a train ride back, illuminated by artificial light, sketchy passengers.
it's all too familiar.
flashback three years earlier - same scenario, a brightly-lit train, I nudge you, you grab my hand.
that was all it took.
my heart sped up to reach the speed of the train's.
I was hooked.
I smile thinking about it.
"What?"
"You're thinking about her, aren't you?"
no, I wasn't, although it's a noble guess considering most of my thoughts do circle around her.
she's only a few miles away and I wonder what she's doing.
I was thinking about the parallels of us, so reminiscent of the city's layout.
how we wandered those same city streets years earlier, nothing but innocence and naivety, and how we wandered them tonight, nothing but growth and adventure rushing through our veins.
I was thinking about how much things have changed, yet how much has stayed the same.
how your short hair stuck out of your beanie and my dark hair blended in with the night, but I still look at us with the same hope and admiration that the city lights have always given me.
I say I'm different now, but how different am I?
he warned me about the dangers of nostalgia, how there is no such thing as "the good old days," and now I've wandered into this disastrous way of thinking.
we end the night, you in the pasenger seat dozing off, me singing along to an old favorite song.
I'd say "just like the good old days," but this is the beginning of a new set of days.
this is the beginning.
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