10.8.17

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I slept until noon, I woke up in a daze, hazy as I reoriented myself into civilization.
My hair is greasy, last night's conversation is still fresh in my mind, and I want nothing more than to sleep for a few hours more underneath a blanket of drugged forgetfulness.
I gradually gather the strength to blend green eyeshadows through my eye sockets and call it a day, as if applying makeup has become a necessary step in the art of pretending everything is okay.
She texts me a link and it just about makes my day.
I invite her over and my heart pounds while awaiting a response to the question that took far too much courage. She had been quiet, distant, she hadn't been snuggled in my bed for awhile.
But then she comes in, takes her place, settles into her spot right next to me and I could feel my friends radiating good vibes from acrosss the room, silently encouraging exactly what my heart is.
I want to radiate good vibes too, but I think I'm too poisonous to do so.
How do I listen to my heart if it's the one trying to hurt me?

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