10.4.17
Same old habits in my new home. Stuffing vomit down a narrow shower drain, spending an hour rinsing everything, water pressure on full-blast, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing.
Restless hands jabbing mindlessly at the keyboard, trying to make some sort of sense for the pure sake of a letter grade.
The hours tick by, I'm surrounded by people, but I'm desperately alone inside.
My heart jumps a little bit more each time I see her, I find myself looking for her whenever I hear the hallway door opening, like a dog, eager and excited to see one particular human. When her name lights up my phone or I see her standing in my doorway, it gets a little bit worse and I have to tighten my own mental leash because I cannot do this. I look like a puppy, but I'm a vicious dog and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
The days are beginning to blur, I can't remember what happened yesterday and what happened a week ago.
Today was a bad day, but I am so happy you are safe.
I wish I could be the same.
Restless hands jabbing mindlessly at the keyboard, trying to make some sort of sense for the pure sake of a letter grade.
The hours tick by, I'm surrounded by people, but I'm desperately alone inside.
My heart jumps a little bit more each time I see her, I find myself looking for her whenever I hear the hallway door opening, like a dog, eager and excited to see one particular human. When her name lights up my phone or I see her standing in my doorway, it gets a little bit worse and I have to tighten my own mental leash because I cannot do this. I look like a puppy, but I'm a vicious dog and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
The days are beginning to blur, I can't remember what happened yesterday and what happened a week ago.
Today was a bad day, but I am so happy you are safe.
I wish I could be the same.
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