10.20.17
I wish I could say the tears have passed for good, but my mind is hellbent on thought and trapped in a cycle unable to process.
Distractions are always good and lucky for me, they're plentiful at a place like this.
The days go by so quickly, filled to the brim with friends rushing in and out of my room, on nights like these I miss them so much when they finally have to leave.
But I let them go, as I'm still learning to do.
I let liquidy throw up filter down the shower drain, rinsing carefully every time, trying to get some of the badness out of me. I've gone downhill in the worst way possible, I just want to keep purging to get everything out but it's so hard here when I hardly have alone time as is, nor alone time to throw up all of my stomach's contents until I'm satisfied.
Not that I'm ever satisfied when it comes to this, to be fair.
I miss my old body, the one I had when I was happy, when I was with her, when things were alright and good and lovely.
If I get that body back, is there any going back to that?
Distractions are always good and lucky for me, they're plentiful at a place like this.
The days go by so quickly, filled to the brim with friends rushing in and out of my room, on nights like these I miss them so much when they finally have to leave.
But I let them go, as I'm still learning to do.
I let liquidy throw up filter down the shower drain, rinsing carefully every time, trying to get some of the badness out of me. I've gone downhill in the worst way possible, I just want to keep purging to get everything out but it's so hard here when I hardly have alone time as is, nor alone time to throw up all of my stomach's contents until I'm satisfied.
Not that I'm ever satisfied when it comes to this, to be fair.
I miss my old body, the one I had when I was happy, when I was with her, when things were alright and good and lovely.
If I get that body back, is there any going back to that?
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