10.10.17
Sleep.
So much sleep, it's almost too much.
Clumpy mascara lining my eyelashes, they're falling out in bunches like dead spider legs trickling down my oily face. Until finally, I get it together, I write my essay, I get out of bed, I force myself to be productive.
I can't stop thinking about her and I find myself wandering past her room just hoping to catch a glimpse. I hate that I've become that person, but I am and I can't help it.
At the same time, my memories are haunting me. My past is coming back to seize what it originally hunted me for.
I die a little inside every time I receive a notification from him. But the friendly anchor I'm tied to just won't let me ignore it. It's harmless, right? He's harmless, we're friends, it's fine.
Except, it's not fine.
I don't want to fall back down that path, that hole I spent two months in and crawled twelve miles out of.
I'm teetering, finally in such a good place, but either I get sucked into the black hole that he is, or I fall into something with her, into an adventure of uncertainty.
I love the adventure, but I don't like getting hurt- I want an adventure with comfort, an adventure with leisure, an adventure of familiarity.
Maybe it's not her I actually want.
So much sleep, it's almost too much.
Clumpy mascara lining my eyelashes, they're falling out in bunches like dead spider legs trickling down my oily face. Until finally, I get it together, I write my essay, I get out of bed, I force myself to be productive.
I can't stop thinking about her and I find myself wandering past her room just hoping to catch a glimpse. I hate that I've become that person, but I am and I can't help it.
At the same time, my memories are haunting me. My past is coming back to seize what it originally hunted me for.
I die a little inside every time I receive a notification from him. But the friendly anchor I'm tied to just won't let me ignore it. It's harmless, right? He's harmless, we're friends, it's fine.
Except, it's not fine.
I don't want to fall back down that path, that hole I spent two months in and crawled twelve miles out of.
I'm teetering, finally in such a good place, but either I get sucked into the black hole that he is, or I fall into something with her, into an adventure of uncertainty.
I love the adventure, but I don't like getting hurt- I want an adventure with comfort, an adventure with leisure, an adventure of familiarity.
Maybe it's not her I actually want.
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